Choke
by FlordiaChick91
Summary: Even nine years later, you have to remember how to breathe. No specific ship. Rating: T; Rating to change. Post Series. Ch 1 PUBLISHED. Ch2 A/N. Chapter 3 (also known as CHAPTER 2) LIVE! INSIDE! POSTED! Read and Review. Much Thanks, xx Also if you READ, PLEASE review & let me know what you think, even if it's for how to make improvements.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey everybody and welcome to my first Secert Life FanFic, Choke. This story has been swirling around in my head for awhile and I finally decided to start writing it. Any reviews are welcome, I'm just writing this for fun. [Also, Alice, Henry, Lauren, Madison, and Ashley will not be in this story or any of my other stories, should I choose to write more; I honestly thought those five characters were a wate of screen time and were a disgrace to ever cross my TV screen.]

Title: Choke

Summary: Even nine years later, you still have to remember how to breathe. No specific ship.

Secret Life

Choke

Ch/1

_**S**_omewhere along the way, stripper heels had turned into pumps.

Langarine had turned into padded bras and the kind of underwear she had seen her grandmother wear. Chokers had turned into necklaces and she had traded her trademark sassy, messy hair for a short length to her shoulders. And her attitude, when she would stick her hand on her hip and wave her finger in someone's face and prove to them once again, that they were never to mess with her, surprisingly,...that had stopped too.

'Life's just...different now."

Adrian Lee sat in her office up high in Chicago, with files on her desk of clients, clients from all over the world: New Zelend, Tokyo, South America. Her bottle of water sat on a coaster to her left and her computer had been booted up since eight o'clock that morning, like every morning. "Well it should be, Adrian." Amy Jergun's voice flooded through the telephone line. "You aren't in high school anymore."

"Yeah." Adrian smiled for a brief second but it was gone not even a moment later. "High school...high school where we both got pregnant and you got to keep your baby and I didn't."

Back in New York City, Amy blinked. "Mercy would've been what?, nine, ten, now? Her birthday was last month. Didn't we all come to support you like every year? Didn't Grace and Jack and Ricky and I all fly out to support you the day after Ben's own plane had landed the day before?"

Adrian sighed. "Yes of course. I'm sorry Amy. It's still really hard sometimes."

Standing up, Adrian pushed back her black roller chair and strolled over to the tall glass window behind her, that rose from up from the ground to the ceilling. She grabbed her bottle of water and twisted the cap as Amy began speaking. "Of course it is Adrian. It always will be hard. Mercy was loved by a lot of people."

Adrian nodded slowly as she rose the bottle to her lips, staring straight out the clear glass. All she could see were apartnment buildings from miles on end, apartnment buildings and street lamps that dimmed during the day. Adrian found herself wishing they would stay on, that everything with light would just stay on forever.

"Yeah. A lot of people that never got to know her, espically Benjamin and I."

Amy bit her lip. Behind her, a splitting image of her ex-husband Ricky, her own son, John, was busy ranting about how he couldn't find his English folder and his project was due tomorrow. "I just had it in my backpack last night!" Covering the house phone, Amy hushed her son. "I'm on the phone! Go check the last place you remember having it, retrace your steps please." Amy ran her hands through her hair as she opened her lips. "Her and John never got to play together."

A sigh escaped Adrian. "Deep down, I was counting on that. You said you and Ricky are divorced?"

Amy didn't hesitate. "Two years next month. He relocated to Montanna. He loves it though."

"Good for Ricky." Adrian nodded. "What does he do?"

"He dabbles in male prostitution."

Adrian blinked.

"Kidding!" Amy laughed. "No, he actually took up employment as a foster care worker for the abused and the neglected, just like he was. He decided to follow in the footsteps just as Margret did. It's hard for him sometimes but he says at the end of the day, it's all worth it, espically when the healing begins."

"Did Ricky ever get healing, for what Bob did to him?"

"He did. He still struggles with it but he's getting better day by day. It takes years to recover from abuse like that. He stopped cold turkey with the sex though."

"What?" Adrian froze. That wasn't the Ricky she had remembered from back in high school.

"It's true Adrian. He finally realizied that to have sex you should be in committed relationship, as in marriage, and he told me at the filing of the divorce papers, that he doesn't have the ability to love a single human being on this earth and he never ever will. No one except John."

Adrian nodded. "It's great that he loves John though."

"Of course it is. John's his son. Ricky told me the closest he gets to sex now a days is masturbation and that's as far as it goes. He hasn't slept with a woman in years. How's Grace and Jack? The wedding photography was beautiful. I wish I could've been there."

"Took them long enough. Good. Moved into thier apartnment in Orlando, Flordia and they're busy soaking up the sun. Jack is already aching to start a family, Grace tells me."

Amy laughed again. "They just got married three weeks ago!"

"You know how men are Amy. Heck, Ben and I were already expecting when we got married."

"Back in high school. Those days seem so long ago now. You used to be so threatened by me when Ricky was over at my parent's house after class, you just couldn't accept the fact that he was over there to help with John."

"John looks just like Ricky except for his hair." Adrian lowered her wattle bottle from her lips as she turned around and placed it on the desk. "I was honestly hoping he wouldn't."

"Dont tell me you still have feelings for him Adrian. Your married to Omar. You two look great together."

Adrian smirked. "No I dont. Swear. Anyway, Omar's part of this huge corporation in Las Vegas. He earns about one million per night. We're not doing too bad."

"Have to rub it in my face that your doing better socially than I am?" Amy laughed in disbelief. "You really haven't changed at all."

"Hey, you got Ricky."

Amy's response was cold. "He didn't want you Adrian. He didn't want you back then and he certainly doesn't want you now, weather we're divorced or not. And Ricky and I will always be connected because of our son. You know that."

The smirk didn't leave Adrian's face. "We'll see."

"We already did see." Amy's voice grew irritable. "It wasn't a competition. John is our son, like it or not. It just happened to be that the countless times Ricky and you had sex, he didn't get you pregnant but the one time he slept with me, he did. That's just how it happened to play out and that's just how it is. I thought by now you would have grown up and accepted that. And more importantly, realizied that. So what's Omar's corporation, anyway? What does he do?"

"He's a huge, high profile Event Planner, for all the biggest stars and celeberities. I'm sure you've seen him in the press."

"No." Amy replied.

"Oh." Adrian replied. She couldn't tell if Amy was being truthful or not. "Well, he is. And I'm so proud of him."

"You should be. He's your husband. Remember the wedding band your wearing on your left ring finger? Omar put that ring there. And he also slipped that ring behind your wedding ring, your engagement ring, onto your finger too, months earlier. You said you wanted him, Omar. Not Ricky. Anyway, I've got to run. John is staring at me impatiently waiting for me to help him with his homework, he finally found it."

"Good to catch up. Nice to see that not a lot's changed. It's just like it was practically. Just like yesterday."

"Yup." Amy replied with a forced smile. "Just like yesterday indeed."

"Tell Ricky I said hello. I know he's thought of me."

"If he has, he's never mentioned you out loud but yeah, I'll be sure to do that."

Adrian wasn't finished. "Keep in touch."

"Yeah. Sure thing. Bye." The goodbye was quick. No need for talking anymore. Amy clicked 'End' on her cellphone and tossed it onto the counter as she put her face in her hands and groaned out loud.

It had been what? Years? since high school, since _college_, and Adrian still wouldn't quit chasing after Ricky. Maybe she really did love him after all. Case of unrequited love? Perhaps. Probably. More than likely. But Amy had to admit that she wasn't sure if Ricky still did talk to Adrian. Whenever her and Ricky spoke, they talked about the two of them; they talked about bandcamp; they talked about John. Never Adrian. Not anymore.

Amy had let go of her resentment towards Adrian a long time ago. That's what growing up meant.

Obviously Adrian hadn't figured that out quite yet.

Grabbing onto her hair and twisting it before laying it on her back, to get it out of her face, Amy's face brightened as she crouched down to John's level, sliding her hands into the pockets of her slacks, and called out her son's name, her voice echoing throughout the house. "Did you find your homework yet John? Please come show Mommy, I need to jump on a call with your father, he'll be here any minute."

"Yes Mom, I found it. Was in my red folder, it was supposed to be in my green one." John entered the room and handed the papers to his mother. Amy took them and rifled through them and shrugged. "Eh, common mistake. Looks like you did a good job bud. Your dad will be proud." Just then, a honk came from outside. Amy grabbed onto John and bumped heads with him causing John to laugh. She locked her eyes on her son. She wanted this moment with him before his father came in, just like ever other weekend, when his father came to retrieve him.

"I love you John Underwood. I love you so, so much. Please tell me you know that."

"I know Mom." John replied.

"Good."

Amy kissed his forehead, stood up, and grabbed her cellphone as she scratched John's head, motioning for John to walk to the front door of the apartnment. From the windows, she saw her son's father, Ricky, getting out of the black BMW. She knew about the colonge that would be on his shirt collar, she knew about the whisky that would be on his breath, she knew about the dozens of other ladies' thongs that she would find on the floor of his apartnment if she were to go there.

She knew Ricky was still the same Ricky as she knew him to be years ago. She knew Ricky hadn't changed. That's why she knew that her and Adrian would never be able to get along. Because if she and Ricky _had_ actually gotten married, he would still probably find ways to climb into bed with other woman. Having a ring on thier fingers or a piece of paper filed by the state of California wouldn't change that. Ricky Underwood was Ricky Underwood. No two ways about it.

"Dad!"

John raced towards his father, as Ricky placed his foot on the pavement and his son grabbed onto him. Ricky laughed as he massagged his son's hair. "Hey bud. Great to see ya!" He glanced up to find Amy walking towards him too. "Hey Amy." His greeting was short. Not cold, but short. To the point. Amy smiled as she crossed her arms. "Hey."

Amy placed her hands onto thier son's shoulders, moving him back a few inches, so his father could climb out of the car. Ricky reached his arms above his head and stretched, a piece of his flat stomach showing. His navy blue shirt rose than fell again. He reached for his son's backpack and swung it over his shoulder. "Everything's in there. John got an A on his last math test."

"Awemow job!" Ricky held up his hand for his son to slap and John did. He then crouched down to John's level just like Amy had while they were inside. "Listen bud, why dont you get situated in the car for a moment while I talk to your mom, huh?" "You got it Dad!" John high-fived his father as Ricky laughed. The kid climbed into car and Ricky closed the door and together, he and his ex wife fell into step beside each other. Ricky rubbed his neck.

"I didn't think it'd be this easy."

"What?"

Amy turned to him as they walked to the back of the car and Ricky leaned against the trunk, his side out, his feet crossed, his hands folded, his eyes locked on his ex wife. ''Seeing you as often as I do. I thought it'd be harder."

"Why?"

Ricky shrugged. "Getting divorced is basically a Fuck You type of thing. You know that. Look at your Mom and Dad. They've been divorced for years."

"We both agreeded on the divorce Ricky. Besides, we're still friends. Kind of."

"Eh, if you say so. Good to see you Amy." Ricky leaned forward and hugged Amy tightly. Amy smiled weakly. He turned and opened his car door as Amy wrapped her arms around her and blinked. She used to love this man. Now she couldn't figure out what had happened that had changed her feelings. Before she had a chance to say anything, Ricky's head popped up again. "Oh and I forgot one thing."

"What?"

"This."

Ricky put his hand behind his ex-wife's head and instantly, his lips were on hers. The kiss wasn't long, wasn't passionate but it was enough. It was enough to make Amy dizzy, it was enough to make her stop and think, but not ask, as he let go, climbed into the car, closed the door, put the car in drive, step on the gas and peel out of her driveway, tires squealing.

Amy stood there, the car that held both her ex husband and her son, now gone. She stood there for a brief second, then turned and walked back into the house to call Grace.

Maybe she still did love Ricky. She knew it because of one simple fact. No, his kisses weren't passionate anymore. They held no love or lust, rather, they lacked those two things.

Instead, his kisses still stung.

Or maybe he still had that effect on every woman he made out with. She knew that Ricky hadn't changed that much.

A/N: Okay. I still want to make some changes to this first chapter as an FYI. I'm not sure this is gonna be the offical published Chapter 1, just so you know. Please let me know what you think, Review. Thanks.

xx-

Wildfirefanatic08


	2. Chapter 2 Author's Note

Hey everyone-

So here's the deal.

I think I have a virus on my computer or something because I've had to re-write the second chapter four times in the last two days and each time, when I go to upload here to, FanFiction , my computer crashes. I'm not sure what's going on and need to figure it out. Also, I need to figure out how I'm going to be writing the second chapter because I've re-written it countless times, and I only have two ways in which I want it to go, to choose from, and I haven't quite made up my mind yet and I need to do so. Thankyou all so much for reviews and the support, really appreciate it! 2nd chapter for Choke, coming ASAP. See you soon!

XX-

Wildfirefanatic08


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey everybody and welcome to the 2nd chapter of my Secret Life FanFic, Choke. Here's the deal- I already had the second chapter written, complete, polished and ready to publish yesterday when my computer crashed and I lost what I had written. Needless to say, I was PISSED! You have no idea. Quick answering questions that have popped up in reviews:

_**Riverbkstar **_and _**Guest**_: Amy lied to Adrian about Ricky still sleeping around. He does. That won't change. And also, personally to, _**Riverbkstar:**_ Thankyou for informing me that Ricky doesn't drink; I've only seen a handful of episodes and a few clips on YouTube.

Anyway, here we go. Enjoy and see you at the bottom.

Title: Choke

Summary: Even nine years later, you still have to remember how to breathe. No specific ship.

Secret Life

Choke

Ch/2

**"…_._**And Miss Katie said that I did a great job on my math test, one of the highest grades in the class!"

John looked to his father in the front seat for approval. His father however, had the window rolled down, his arm on the ledge, and was mentally zoned out.

Ricky ran his fingers through his freshly clipped hair and sniffled, glancing for a split second in the side mirror before locking his eyes on the road again. He hated the fact that even _seeing_ his ex-wife still gave him an erection. His bulge was right there, in his pants, just a few inches beneath his chin. Hell, if John hadn't been there, he was sure, no he was _positive,_ he would've just taken her right there on the couch. Give and take three minutes, Amy would've quit resisting and had surrendered to him, just like the time at band camp years ago when they had conceived John in his top bunk in his cabin.

He would never admit it to anyone but Amy Jerguns was always a great fuck, one of his ultimate best. But because of being married to him and fucking him on a regular four-times-a-week basis and birthing their son John, she wasn't so tight anymore. But Ricky still loved the fact that she loved him. And for him, that was more than enough.

"Dad?"

Ricky blinked. "Yeah John?"

"Can we get McDonald's since I did so well on my math test?"

_He did well on his math test? And I wasn't paying attention? Shit. _Ricky cursed himself as he looked over into the other lane at the oncoming traffic. "Sure thing Sport. What do you want from McDonald's?"

As John settled upon a BigMac and Fries, just like his father loved, Ricky's thoughts once again strayed to Amy and the very last time they had had a blowup real bad.

The last few months, there had been so much anger and frustration between them.

She had caught him giving a quick peck good-night to one of their guests after a dinner party that he thought she hadn't seen. Not even five minutes had their guests been out the door when Amy had sent John upstairs to get ready for bed before lashing into her husband.

"_Don't even go there Ricky! I saw the way you acted towards her the entire evening! You couldn't keep your eyes off her!"_

"_It didn't mean anything!" Ricky snapped back. "I'm a fucking guy Amy. I looked. That was it. It's what men do. We're visual. And I've always been like this, you know that. But I have never been unfaithful to you."_

"_You don't have to be." Amy folded her arms across her chest. "Let me ask you this. If I wasn't here and it had just been you and her husband had left for a while to check on their sick son whose at home tonight with a babysitter, would you have not taken her upstairs to our bed? Be honest with me Richard."_

_Ricky's snarl grew as she called him by his full name. He absolute __hated__ it when she used his full name._

"_You would have." Amy answered for him before he even had a chance to open his mouth. "We both know you would have. You just cannot control yourself Ricky." Her voice rose. "Whenever a woman walks by, you just have to see if she's willing to sleep with you. And if she is, you go right ahead and fuck her right then and there or later that night. You haven't changed a day since high school."_

_Ricky snapped back hard as he rose his voice. _

"_So your saying I'm not a male then? I'm not a fucking male? Men like sex Amy. Point blank. I love sex. It feels good, no, it feels amazing actually. You know that. You know what it feels like when I pulse my dick in and out of you. Don't you dare stand there and act like you don't like it!-_

"_Have you ever been unfaithful?"_

_The question caught Ricky off guard. He blinked. "What?"_

"_Have you ever been unfaithful to me since the day we exchanged wedding vows and wedding rings? It's a simple yes or no question Ricky."_

_The kitchen suddenly seemed a lot darker and the house suddenly seemed a lot quieter. Ricky and Amy could see one another's body outlines reflecting on the floor and on the counter._

_Ricky grabbed onto the edge of the island in the middle of the kitchen with both hands and swallowed hard. This conversation, the way it was headed…he couldn't handle this. He loved her, Amy Jerguns Underwood, he loved her, the mother of his child, he loved her, his wife…._

"_No-"_

_His conscience got the best of him. Guilty as charged._

_Time to be honest for the first time in his life. For John._

"_Yes."_

_Ricky stood up straight and looked his wife directly in the eye. "Yes, I've cheated on you. Yes, I've been unfaithful."_

_Amy had wanted an annulment right then and there but changed her mind to divorce when the time came eventually to sort it all out with their attorney. She didn't want to forget the good times they had ended up sharing together, like everything had never, ever happened. As young as he was, John would have memories of all of them together, of him and his Mom and Dad, that wouldn't just disappear overnight but instead, be etched into the back of his mind; and one day, he would have questions and one day, Ricky and Amy would have to give him the answers because John deserved them. Because this wasn't his fault._

"Dad?"

Ricky blinked as he pulled up to the McDonald's drive-thru window to place John's order. He rolled down his window to pay the cashier and as he held a few dollar bills out the window for the cashier to grab ahold of as payment, he looked up into the river view mirror and matched his grey eyes to John's brown ones.

"Yeah Sport?"

"I miss you and Mom being together."

Ricky attempted to smile but couldn't. "Yeah." He quickly glanced away, thinking of just half an hour ago when he got to kiss his wife a gain, when he never thought that he would. It wasn't supposed to of happened, there wasn't anything between them anymore, but the fact is, it did. He was able to kiss Amy Jerguns again, the girl who long ago he had wanted to change him. And she had tried her hardest. In every single way that she could.

The problem was him. The problem was the false business trips. The problem was the unfaithfulness. The problem was the lies.

The problem was just not caring enough.

And it just made him sadder. The words his son just said replayed over and over again in his head for a good minute.

"_I miss you and Mom being together."_

Ricky only had one reply to give his son as he reached behind him and handed John his meal.

"Yeah. Yeah, me too, Sport."

A/N: UGH. Like I said above, I had this entire second chapter written completely different but that way, the way it was taking this story, even though it's just begun, was just something else altogether. Please Read and Review. Oh and again, I'm not sure if this is going to be the official published second chapter because I'm thinking of re-writing it again, for the billionth time.

Anyway, let me know what you think please, Review.

XX-

Wildfirefanatic08


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